Coping with Miscarriage: A Guide for Partners and Supporters

Highlights

• Miscarriage affects both partners, regardless of who carried the pregnancy.
• Emotional reactions to miscarriage, including grief, are normal, even if you were not physically affected.
• It’s important to care for your own wellbeing while also supporting your partner.
• Support services are available for all partners, including sexually and gender-diverse (LGBTIQA+) individuals.

In This Article

• How miscarriage might affect the non-pregnant partner
• Taking care of yourself
• Supporting your partner during miscarriage
• Moving forward after miscarriage
• Tools and Assistance

How miscarriage might affect the non-pregnant partner

A miscarriage can deeply affect both the person carrying the pregnancy and their partner. Even if you were not the pregnant partner, it’s crucial to acknowledge your own loss and take time for self-care, as well as supporting your partner.

It is common to experience a range of emotions, such as sadness, helplessness, or anger. These emotions may fluctuate over time, and you might struggle with feeling the need to be strong for your partner. However, neglecting your own grief in the process can hinder healing. It is important to recognize and manage your feelings while being there for your partner.

People in sexually and gender-diverse relationships
Sexually and gender-diverse individuals may face additional challenges. For example, the path to pregnancy may have been emotionally complex or impacted by societal pressures. You might not have shared the pregnancy news widely, which could amplify feelings of isolation during miscarriage. Thankfully, there are specialized support services for those in these communities that understand their unique needs.

Taking care of yourself

During this difficult time, self-care is essential. Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being can help manage grief. Make sure to eat well, exercise, and get adequate sleep. Engaging in conversations with trusted friends or family members can also be helpful.

If overwhelming emotions are affecting your daily life, consider speaking to a mental health professional for support.

Supporting your partner during miscarriage

Your partner may be experiencing intense emotions after the miscarriage, including sadness, guilt, or anger. Recovery—both physically and emotionally—can take time, and it’s important to recognize that this is a shared experience.

Here are some ways you can support each other:

• Talk openly about your feelings: Share your emotions with each other and listen to your partner’s thoughts.
• Spend time together outside the home: A change of scenery can help bring a fresh perspective.
• Engage in enjoyable activities: Doing things together can help maintain a sense of normalcy.
• Seek support: Family, friends, or professionals can provide emotional and practical help.

Moving forward after miscarriage

It’s normal to need time before feeling ready for sexual intimacy again. Communicating openly with your partner about these feelings is key.

When considering future pregnancies, it’s essential to discuss how both of you feel. Even if your partner has physically recovered, they may need more time to emotionally heal before trying again. Patience is crucial in this process, as everyone’s recovery timeline is different.

If you notice that your partner is struggling more than expected, it may be helpful to encourage them to seek professional help. A healthcare provider or counselor can offer support and guidance.

Tools and Assistance

If you or your partner are dealing with the aftermath of a miscarriage, support and resources are available to help you through this difficult time. These services can offer emotional support, information, and practical assistance:

• Counseling Services: Professional counselors or therapists can help both partners navigate the emotional impact of miscarriage. Speaking to a trained professional can provide a safe space to process grief and emotions.
• Support Groups: Support groups for individuals who have experienced miscarriage can offer a sense of community. Sharing experiences with others who understand can help reduce feelings of isolation. Some groups are specifically for partners of the pregnant person, while others may focus on more inclusive spaces for people in various types of relationships.
• LGBTQI+ Specific Support: For people in sexually and gender-diverse relationships, there are support services that provide a more tailored approach. These services understand the unique emotional challenges and needs faced by LGBTQI+ individuals in times of loss.
• Medical and Emotional Resources: Healthcare providers may offer both medical support and guidance on the physical recovery process following a miscarriage. Additionally, some medical professionals can refer individuals to specialists who offer counseling or bereavement services.
• Online Resources and Hotlines: Many organizations provide online resources and helplines for those grieving a miscarriage. These services can help individuals find immediate support or direct them to local professionals.
• Bereavement Support: Many hospitals or clinics provide bereavement support for both partners after a miscarriage. This can include help with funeral arrangements, emotional support, or grief counseling. It is important to reach out to these services as they can help guide you through the legal and emotional aspects of your loss.
• Practical Support Services: Sometimes, the emotional weight of a miscarriage can make it difficult to manage day-to-day responsibilities. Practical assistance, like help with household chores, meal delivery, or childcare, can be valuable during this time. Some communities or organizations offer these services for those in need.
• Workplace Support: It is also helpful to understand your rights in the workplace following a miscarriage. Some employers offer paid or unpaid leave to help employees cope with loss. Many workers also have access to employee assistance programs (EAPs) that can provide counseling services.

Remember, no one should have to go through the grief of a miscarriage alone. There are various tools, services, and resources to help both partners heal emotionally and physically during this time.